The Five Stages of A Relationship*
The Beginning: finding and focusing on the other. With lots of time together, sharing of self, and wonderment at being together, it is a magical time. The relationship matters more than anything else in the world. Family, friends, work and other activities, what are they when you could be spending time with your newfound soulmate? New love is amazing! The memories made in this initial phase will help to sustain the relationship through all time.
The Making: from the beginning comes the making. Having found and joined two ones into a one of two, the pair begin to share and shape a life. While friends, family, work and outside activities were there all along, they are now incorporated - and yes, sometimes intruding - into the relationship still seen to be unique. Certainly, while the intensity of being together is apparent with your heart and head in the clouds, a bit more reality of life outside your relationship is added, and your feet land on the ground. Done best, this time and the next will be the foundation of the relationship.
The Building: a relationship at its core is the couple, but at some point, that relationship builds into a life. Buying a home or deciding where to put down roots, having pets (maybe), marrying, having children (maybe), and developing the best career options - not just for one but for the two you have become, all take time, effort and energy. Here more than the first two, there could be conflict and stress, but it should turn into understanding and compromise. Finding how to navigate this building of a life, if done right, makes the next stage so much easier.
The Long Haul: with a home, children (maybe), extended families, and careers, responsibilities tend to move to the forefront. Maintenance, care and demands can take their toll. The joy of having a relationship can, at times, be lost. The relationship can splinter. Here, though, is where the foundation of the past three stages comes to the fore. Memories of love shared and the knowledge and practices put in place prior, can take a relationship through whatever trials and tribulations confront it.
Retirement “and Beyond” (to quote Buzz Lightyear): With 30 or so years of practice, one would think it should be the golden age, as it has been called, but really the next 30 years will be a culmination of the past. If there has been humor, care, compassion and concern for the other, and active listening and compromise, there will be a wealth of goodness to pull from for these years. Your life together, then, will, truly, be the golden years!
* Not to be confused as science; just made up by me and written for an assignment for an upcoming wedding.
A Lifetime
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